A Life Like This (Life #1) Page 8

  I wake to the smell of bacon and chorizo. Yum, Joey must be in the kitchen. I can also smell coffee. Sweet Jesus, I’m going to need a big cup of that this morning. Stretching with a big yawn, I accidently hit Roger in the face. Alert, he sits next to me watching me closely. He truly is an amazing dog. I rub his back.

  “Hey, big guy, I’m okay. Relax, will ya?”

  He whimpers and lies down next to me. Looking around, I see two pillows aside from mine, one on the floor next to mine and another on the couch. Did Blake really sleep on the couch like my grandfather asked?

  “Yes, Angelica, I found Blake on the couch when I got here this morning.” I sit up and look behind me only to find my grandfather watching me.

  Giving him a big smile, I ask, “How did you know what I was thinking?”

  “Darlin’, I’ve been able to read your expressions for a long time. Did you forget that? Plus, every granddad just knows.” He winks at me, but then his face turns sullen.

  “They told you about the dream, didn’t they?”

  “Now who can read who?” he asks.

  “I’m fine, Granddad. All of this just awoke a lot of emotions within me. I just need some time to regroup, that’s all.” Speaking of time off, shit, I never called Bill. “Fuck!” I yell, running up to my room to find my phone.

  “Angelica Marie, you watch that mouth. I know I raised you better than that!” my grandfather calls from downstairs. Shit, I need to watch my mouth around him.

  “Relax, AP,” I hear Joey shout from the kitchen. “I used your phone and emailed Bill this morning and told him you were taking the week off. He had no issue with it, said you needed it. Now come and set the table; breakfast is ready.” I sigh in relief, but am also upset. I should have been the one to do that. I make my way back down into the living room.

  “Sorry, Granddad, I won’t swear again.” Grabbing his hand, I lead him into the kitchen. “Smells delicious, Joey,” I praise before seeing both Joey and Blake working side by side, finishing up breakfast. Well, fuck me sideways. There is nothing hotter than that. Two fine-ass men cooking, I’m a lucky girl. “Well, isn’t this every girl’s fantasy?” I can’t help it; it just slipped out. I know my grandfather is right next to me, but I could make a lot of money selling calendars with pictures just like the view I am staring at. Well, perhaps if they had a little less clothes on.

  “Very funny,” Joey responds.

  “Your coffee is on the table. Have a seat,” Blake tells me with a light smile. They talk in sync with one another. God, I’m in heaven, I can see it now, one man to shop with and one to fuck. Heaven!

  “Why thank you, kind sir. I’m sure I will enjoy it very much.” I lead my granddad to the table and we take our seats. The table is already set; Joey is such a liar. Blake brings a platter of biscuits and bacon, and Joey follows with a tray of chorizo, eggs, and a bowl of gravy. Good Lord, I’m going to have to run ten miles after this feast.

  My grandfather always says grace, so he leads us, “Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this meal we are about to enjoy. Please watch over everyone at this table and give them the strength to overcome the demons they face. Amen.” A chorus of amens follows suit. He didn’t have to specifically use my name for me to understand that was directed at me. I hate how he worries so much. I have to stop showing any signs of distress around him or he will never go back home. Neither will Joey or Blake for that matter. Although, I do enjoy having a full house. This right now is perfect. Sharing a meal with people who mean the most to me is simply perfect. Did I just admit that Blake means a lot to me? I mean, come on, Angelica, this isn’t a princess movie. Love at first sight, a knight in shining armor, all of that stuff is only in fairy tales. This is more of a lust I’m feeling right now. I really need to step back from whatever is happening between us. I rein in my thoughts and focus on the conversation happening around me.

  After breakfast is done and the dishes are cleaned, we start to tackle our sleepover mess. Blake puts the lights away and Joey moves the couches back once I’ve folded all the blankets. Granddad takes Roger on a walk around the block, and once everything is in order, I ask the guys to leave.

  “I’m fine. Joey, you of all people know how I don’t like to be hovered over. He’s back, I know. There, trauma over,” I tell them both. “Please go, both of you. Blake, I’m sure you have so much work to do and, Joey, I know you have a shoot this afternoon.” He starts to interject, but I stop him. “And no, you are not cancelling.” He sighs, knowing he won’t win this.

  “I could easily work from here, Angelica,” Blake assures me. “I will leave because you asked me to, but please don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything. I’m more than willing to stay with you as long as need be.” He hugs me and kisses me lightly on my lips before saying goodbye to Joey and walking out. Why do I suddenly feel lonely? He did exactly as I asked him to and didn’t raise any arguments, so why am I sad?

  “Well, that was easy. Careful with him, Ang. He is a little too clingy for my liking.” I shake my head at Joey’s response. “My shoot should only take a couple of hours. I’ll be back with dinner at around six o’clock. Do not try to tell me no. I’m not Blake; I’m not giving you the option.” He softens his comment with a kiss to my cheek. No point in arguing with him. As he heads out of the door, my grandfather walks in and they say their goodbyes.

  “I passed Blake down the street. He’s a good man that one.” I stare dumbfounded at my grandfather. He has never said anything remotely nice about any man I’ve ever hung out with. I’ve never had a real boyfriend, but some fuck buddies I kept around for a few months. “He is a real gentleman that one. I can tell he was raised right. I like that.”

  “Well, don’t get too attached, Granddad. He is just an acquaintance. I barely know him.”

  “For someone you barely know, you sure are attached to him.”

  He is right of course. “Yeah, that’s even odd for me, to be honest. But I have too much going on right now to be in a relationship. Not to mention, he is a client. That’s a big no-no.”

  “Don’t you think you should have thought about that sooner?”

  Leave it to my grandpa to point out the obvious. “Yeah, probably.” Feeling wrecked, I go to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. I’m going to need all the coffee I can get. “So, when is your flight out, Granddad?” I yell from the kitchen.

  “What flight out?” His voice startles me as he is standing right in the doorway.

  “Granddad, I told the guys and I will tell you, I’m fine. Truly I am. It was a shock that was all. Joey will be with me every night I’m sure, and when I’m not with him, I will be working. Hey, maybe soon I’ll take a vacation to the ranch. God knows I need it.”

  “Honey, I’m sorry. I thought I fixed this all those years ago.” He sounds so sad, defeated almost. I put down my coffee and walk up to him.

  “Granddad, now you listen here, this is not your fault. No one could have known what Edward would have done or when he would reappear in our lives. I’m honestly surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I’m not a child any more. I can take care of myself. I’m braver and stronger than you all think.”

  “I know you’re brave, darlin’. I’ve never doubted that. And I know you’re strong, stronger than most think. I told you a long time ago, you wouldn’t have to see that man again and my word was a lie. I tried, honey. I truly thought I fixed it.” He won’t even make eye contact with me. Goddamn it, I hate Edward for tearing this man apart. I hate the guilt he feels right now. Edward has not only ruined my life but the lives of the ones who have loved me the most.

  “Please stop before you make my cry, Granddad. You couldn’t have known he would be back. At least we’re prepared. He doesn’t know where I live, nor will he find out. I’m fine. He’s probably forgotten about me anyway.” I know that’s a lie when I say it, but I have to convince him I’m fine. Unfortunately, Edward will never forget about me. He made sure to remind me of that the last time he raped me. I
know he meant it.

  “I’m not happy about this at all, and if it were up to me, I would take you down to Texas where you belong. But I know how stubborn you are. Unfortunately, that’s the one thing you did get from your mother. I’ll head out, but damn it, Angelica, you call me if you need anything.” He sounds so stern, angry almost. I know he wants to be here for me, but I need to be alone.

  “I will, Granddad. I promise you.” I hug him tightly. “I love you.”

  “To the moon and back.” That’s his usual reply. He makes a quick call on his cell to have the jet ready for him when he gets to the airport. One of his biggest expenses to date, he bought it when I was younger. He likes the idea of hopping on it at a moment’s notice; clearly, he has reason.

  I walk him to the door, we say our goodbyes one more time, and then he walks off to get a cab and tells me to get inside because it’s cold. I laugh at him but obey. No matter how old I am, he always tells me to get inside when it’s cold. God, I love this man. He is my mother’s stepfather, but he is the only grandfather I know. I have never treated him like he wasn’t blood, nor has he treated me any differently. Hell, he gave me his last name. Loyalty and love is what makes a family, and he is the only person to give me that aside from Joey. They are all the family I need. I walk back to my room and climb under the blankets. It doesn’t take long for the tears to come. Finally being alone, I am able to let my true feelings show. I’m terrified and I’m sad. Edward will find me and he will bother me. I wish it weren’t true, but that’s just the way that evil creature is. It has been years since I’ve seen him, but deep down I know he hasn’t changed one bit. That’s what scares me. I know he won’t rape me. I know he will keep me at arm’s length but that doesn’t mean he will not make his presence known. He will want to fuck with my mind. Clearly, he hit his mark. The hate he has for me runs deep. I fear for my life with him around me. I wouldn’t put it past him to want me dead. If not by his own hands, he might push my own.

  I guess I fell asleep eventually because Roger wakes me by nudging my side. Shit, I haven’t fed him today. God, I’m losing it. “I’m sorry, big guy.” I power walk into the kitchen to feed him. Looking at the clock, I realize it’s one pm. I leave Roger to eat while I go and change for a run; it’s just what I need. Running is my personal form of therapy. It helps to clear my mind. I change quickly then check my phone while Roger finishes his lunch. I have a text from Joey and an email from Blake. I’ve been alone all of three hours and they are both checking on me. They seriously need to relax.

  I respond to them both, telling them I took a nap and am now feeling great. I need to convince them I am fine; only then will they both back off. Only, I’m not fine and I want them hovering over me, but for some reason beyond me, I’m fighting it. I want Blake to email and call me. I want him to show up. Why? I’m not sure I even have the answer to that question. I’ve always been able to attract men, to have a good time with them. With Blake, it’s different though. I want more than sex with him. I want more. I’ve known him such a short time, but already, he has evoked feelings from within me that I am not used to. I put my phone down, not waiting for their responses, and put Roger’s leash on. He is panting with excitement. It’s then I realize I haven’t run with him in a couple days. That’s very rare; we usually run daily. The walk around the block with my grandfather wasn’t even a warm up for this dog. I need to get back with it. When my dog is suffering from my issues, I know I must be in bad shape. No more, I tell myself. I will get my shit in order and get back to it.

  Roger and I hit the pavement hard. It feels good to be outdoors. I take in my surroundings. It’s midday, so there is a lot of foot traffic, but we easily maneuver through it. It’s at about our one mile mark that I realize I am still looking around. But I’m not looking at the trees or buildings; I’m looking at the people. I try to focus on Lorde singing in my ears about Tennis Courts.

  Fear… I am looking for Edward. I stop in my tracks as anxiety starts to set in. What if he is out here? What if he moved close by?

  “Let’s go back home,” I tell Roger. He tilts his head to the side, clearly confused, but heads that way. I practically sprint back home. Once inside, I quickly lock the door behind me. I’m panting almost as much as Roger. I feel the panic attack coming. I haven’t had a one in years. I run up to my room and into my bathroom. I search the medicine cabinet until I find what I am looking for. My heart instantly relaxes when I see my prescription for Xanax. I quickly take one pill dry. Yuck, I forgot those pills have a bitter taste to them.

  I head to the kitchen for a drink of water and find Roger is still sitting by the door staring at me curiously. People who say animals are dumb are fucking insane. I know Roger knows something is off. He is observing me. I’m a creature of habit and the past few days I have strayed off track. I go to the couch, call him over, and rub his beautiful coat for a while before I feel the medicine kick in. Gosh, I forgot how good these pills made me feel. No more anxiety for me. I look at the clock and realize somehow I had just sat here for two hours with Roger. Shit, how did that happen?

  I need to shower and be presentable for when Joey gets here. He is notorious for being early, so if he said six o’clock, he meant five or five thirty. I skip to my bathroom feeling light and relaxed. I start the bath, and then head into my room in search of something comfy to wear when I get out. Yoga pants and a tank top it is. While gathering my clothes, I glance at my phone. It’s so rare to not have my phone with me constantly. I don’t know why I keep leaving it in my room. I have two more messages and a voice mail from my granddad. He tells me he arrived safely and hopes I’m having a well-deserved nap. He promises to call me again tomorrow. Traveling from New York to Texas is a quick trip for him with his own jet. The messages are from Joey, telling me he’s on his way over and bringing Italian. I knew he would be early. With a quick reply that I will see him soon, I head for the bathroom and indulge in a long bath. The warm water absorbs all of my problems. I wash my hair and shave, and then finally make my way out. As I am lathering up with lotion, I hear Joey walk in.

  “Honey, I’m home!” he squeals from the front door. I laugh and skip down the stairs to him.

  “Oh, baby, how I’ve missed you!” I run to him and he drops our food to grab me in a big hug. “We should seriously take up acting,” I tell him as I grab the food and head into the kitchen.

  “AP, they wouldn’t know what to do with us. We are simply too much talent for the world to handle. It’s better we stay in hiding.” He winks at me. I don’t know what I was thinking telling everyone I wanted to be alone. I hate it. I love having company. It gets lonely in this house by myself. At least I have Roger, I suppose.

  “How did the shoot go?” I ask as we dig into the bags, serving ourselves spaghetti, parmesan chicken, and salad.

  “It was hectic, had to work with snobby-ass models. They fucking wore me out, constantly bitching about something. On top of that, I had your man candy texting me all day asking about you. I’m spent!” He plops down on the couch with his food and digs in.

  “Wait, Blake was texting you? Why?” I’m confused. Why would he message Joey and not me? I was thinking he would be messaging me all day long, but he only sent me one email. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t a tad hurt by that. I mean, I know I told everyone I was fine and to leave me be, but secretly I like when he emailed me. It made me know he is thinking about me. But after that one, I never got another. I figured he was over me. I wouldn’t blame him; I am a lot to take on.

  “Sweetie, did you forget you told the poor man you were fine and didn’t need to be babysat? He doesn’t know you like I do. He has yet to learn that when you say leave me alone, it means smother me.” I smack his arm, and he rubs it as if I could actually harm his muscle-covered self.

  “Shut up, Joey! You know I needed space.”

  “I know you did and you got it, so what’s the problem? Are you mad he was checking on you or because he was asking me and not you?
”

  “I guess I’m mad he didn’t message me.” I shake my head. “God, I really am a complicated woman, aren’t I? However do you tolerate me?”

  “I don’t have a choice really. I’m stuck with you now.” He laughs as I smack him again. Jeez, my hand hurts.

  “Fuck off. You love me. So what did he say?”

  “He just asked how you were and if I was going to stay with you tonight.” He looks over at me and frowns a little. “He asked me about Edward after your nightmare. I told him what I knew.”

  “Please tell me you didn’t tell him his last name or anything telling? He’ll probably go and try to find him.” I look at Joey and he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Damn it, Joey. I don’t need anyone causing issues. I just want him to go away, not be confronted!” I put my plate on the coffee table and start to pace the living room. My heart’s racing again. I watch Joey put his plate down and walk over to me. “I’m fine, Joey. I just want him to go away.” Looking up at him, I can see the sadness in his eyes. I fucking hate it. I hate pity. “I need to use the bathroom.”

  Heading to the bathroom, I proceed straight to my medicine cabinet and grab another Xanax. I need to calm down. I quickly take it with some water from the sink, and then flush the toilet so it sounds like I went to the bathroom. I don’t need any judgment right now. I walk back out to the living room and find Joey eating once again on the couch. I sit next to him and turn on the TV. We watch crap TV for about an hour until Joey heads home. He has an early shoot. He offered to stay, but I made him go. I know with the two pills I took, I’ll pass out as soon as I hit the pillow. I escort him out then lock up the house. Roger follows me up to my room and plops on his normal spot on my bed.